Though effective negotiating does come more easily to some than others, it’s a skill that anyone can learn and everyone should. Though the consumer culture in the United States doesn’t leave much room for negotiation—you’re not, for example, likely to be able to dicker over price in a major department store—there are still plenty of opportunities for negotiating. The clerk at Bloomingdale’s might not have the authority to give you a discount, but the owner of a small store certainly could.

Real estate investors typically negotiate multiple points on every transaction. As the buyer or seller, you negotiate the price and terms. When you’re buying, you also negotiate financing, fees for services such as appraisals and other items necessary for closing. When you’re a landlord, you’ll negotiate with your tenants, as well as the contractors and other workers you hire to take care of your properties. And while price is certainly a key negotiating point, it isn’t the only issue you need to discuss.

Fundamentals of negotiating

There are three fundamental components of negotiating: listening, obtaining information, and overcoming objections, and they occur simultaneously. To be a good negotiator, you don’t need to be pushy or overbearing, you don’t need to be the loudest or most forceful speaker, and most importantly, you don’t need to be offensive. Successful negotiations come from understanding these three components and using them in a way that results in a win-win transaction.

Good listeners place as much or more emphasis on what others are saying than on what they themselves are saying or planning to say. You can develop your own listening skills by changing your attitude from one that is self-centered to one that focuses on the other person. When you are truly focused on what the person you are negotiating with has to say, the information gathering process is enhanced. And that brings us to the second component of negotiating: obtaining information.

In order to propose an acceptable agreement, you need to understand what both parties need. You already know, of course, what will work for you; asking good questions and then listening carefully to the answers is a very direct and quite effective way to find out what will work for the other person. For example, let’s say you are negotiating to purchase a distressed property that is owned free and clear. You have some cash and access to hard money, but you really want the seller to hold all or part of the mortgage. To find out if the seller will accept such a deal, you can ask a series of questions that will tell you how much cash the seller needs and whether he understands the benefits of owner financing.

Finally, as you negotiate, you will have to overcome objections. Many people fear objections, but a good negotiator welcomes them. Why? Because what is often perceived as an obstacle is really just a request for more information. When people seek more information, it usually means they are looking for reasons or ways to make the deal work.

Objections typically come in the form of questions but may be statements. So the seller in our example might ask, “What happens if you don’t make the mortgage payments on time?” Or he might say, “If you don’t make the mortgage payments on time, I’ll have a problem.” Either way, you now have the chance to demonstrate that you are reliable and can be trusted to pay on time and explain that the seller has recourse through foreclosure if you don’t.

If possible, find out what’s behind the objection before you respond to it. You may discover that it’s not really an objection at all. Our seller could say, “If I agree to 100 percent seller financing, I won’t get any money at closing.” You need to determine if that’s a problem for him or if he’s making a simple observation—and to do that, all you have to do is ask, “Do you need cash at closing?”

Good negotiators are not adversarial or challenging. They listen, gather data, and address concerns, then offer a proposal that will work for all parties. As you develop and refine your negotiating skills, your life in general as well as your path to real estate investing success will become much smoother and more rewarding.

Jacquelyn Lynn is the author of The Entrepreneur’s Almanac (Entrepreneur Press).