Let’s talk about “no.” The more you know about “no,” the more you’ll hear the word “yes.” First of all, it’s important to understand that no doesn’t always mean no (at least not forever). It could mean:

• No, not at this time, but maybe later.
• No, I don’t understand everything. A confused mind will always say no.
• No, I don’t like you. Now that hurts, but sometimes it is the reason you hear no.
• No, I don’t trust you, which is a common reason people say no.
• No, you don’t understand what I really need.
• No, you haven’t listened to what I said.
• No, I don’t think you really care about me.
• No, give me some more reasons why I should say yes.

And the list goes on. The more offers you make, the easier it will be for you to hear no without taking it personally. However, you need to realize that there are a lot of things you can do to turn a no into a yes.

Did you realize that in almost any business dealing directly with the public, 15 percent of your success is based on your knowledge of the business and 85 percent is based on your people skills? Now don’t let that scare you. People skills are not necessarily a natural trait and can be learned by most everyone if they put a little effort into it. And those people skills will help you in all aspects of your life.

People do business with people they like and trust. They also like to do business with people that are similar to themselves. These are not necessarily conscious thoughts in a person’s mind, since 95 percent of the decision-making process takes place in the
subconscious mind. A big part of a person’s buying or selling decision is based on emotion and not on logic. The more you deal with people on an emotional level, the more you will be successful. You need to build rapport with people and get to know them as quickly as possible.

One of the most important things we can do to connect with people is to sincerely listen to them. A lot of us think that we are good listeners, but few people really are. Listening is a skill that can be learned, but, there are many challenges:

• All sorts of sights, sounds, and distractions are around us: it takes real concentration to shut out these distractions.
• Thinking more about our next response to what is being said, rather than trying to understand what is being spoken. All investors fight this one at times.
• Interrupting a person while they are still speaking. This tells them that you think you are more important than they are.
• Jumping to conclusions before you know all the facts.
• Pre-judging someone based on their looks, their attitude, and the condition of their home and so on.
• Letting your mind wander to other problems of the day. This can be controlled, but it takes work.

You can learn to be a better listener. What is your goal as a listener? When dealing with motivated sellers, you are trying to find out why they are motivated and what problem they need solved to ease their pain. If you actively listen, they will eventually tell you what their problem is and how it can be solved. If you can solve a seller’s problem, you will be more likely to get a yes to your offer.

Here are some things you can do to become a better listener:

• Focus on what your potential client is saying. Give them your undivided attention.
• Make eye contact with them. Don’t stare, but good eye contact is key to a good conversation. It also helps you build trust.
• You need to have a sincere interest in the person and what they are saying. You need to care about them. If you are only thinking about the deal, they will be able to see that you are not sincere and your chances of a yes on the deal goes down dramatically.
• Resist the urge to interrupt. Let them finish what they are saying before you respond, even if what they are saying is wrong or you don’t agree. You’ll have your chance to talk soon enough.
• Keep the conversation going by asking open-ended questions until you get to their root problem.
• A good way to let them know you are really listening is to repeat what they just told you and ask them if that is what they meant. For example, you could say, “Now if I understand correctly, you said that your husband just ran off with his secretary and you don’t care what you get for the house as long as he doesn’t get a dime! Is that what you mean?”
• Pause before replying to a question or comment. Again, it shows that you are thinking about what they said and trying to understand.
• When you do reply, use the person’s name. Don’t over use their name in the conservation, but people love to hear their own name, and it lets them know you care.
• Use humor (clean humor) if you can. It creates a positive environment. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
• Practice, practice, practice being an active listener. Remember, when you talk, you hear what you already know. When you listen, you learn something new.

Entire books have been written about the art of listening. As a rule of thumb, listen twice as much as you talk. You can talk all night trying to convince someone that you are good, trustworthy, friendly, kind, and know all there is about real estate and still not be successful in connecting with them. If you can get them talking (and you really listen), you can build good rapport in a matter of minutes. If you give someone your undivided attention when they are speaking to you, you will quickly win their trust and they will like you.

Just think of the people you know in your life. Most of us know someone who can make friends with strangers in a matter of minutes. If you watch that person closely, you’ll probably find that they listen intently to what the other person is saying: they learn about the other person and let them be the star of the show. As Stephen Covey reminds us in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

In building rapport with someone, you should know that your words are the least important part of your interaction. Establishing rapport with someone is based on:

• Your visual body language—55%
• The tone of your voice —38%
• Your verbal words—7%

So what you say isn’t the most important factor. However, what you say does need to show you are knowledgeable and competent, but how you say it is most important in developing a higher level of trust

There is an entire science on how to interact with people, but basically people feel more comfortable around people who are somewhat like themselves. So as you are actively listening to people you need to notice their rate of speech, their tone, their gestures, etc. Adjust your speaking to be similar to the person you are talking to. You have to be careful in this area, but just be aware that if you normally talk at 150 words per minute with gusts up to 300, you will not easily build rapport with someone who only talks at 75 words per minute. Slow down a little and you will be amazed at how much better you will communicate. Use your common sense in the area and you will do okay.

The more people you talk to, the better your listening skills will become. A good way to overcome bad listening habits is to practice active listening. Here is what you can do. Go through the paper and write down the contact information for 20 For Sale By Owner properties. Call each of these sellers and make an appointment to go see their home. Don’t worry about these being good deals or not. These are your practice people. It doesn’t matter what happens.

Go meet with them and just focus all you energy on getting to know them by actively listening to what they have to say. Keep asking questions until you feel you really know them. You will be surprised at how easy it is to really listen when you focus on it. And if you do find a motivated seller during this practice, go ahead and make them an offer! If you really listened, you have a much better chance of getting a yes.

By David L. Boyd